Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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