Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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