Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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