Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
