gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
