answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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