I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
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...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
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Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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