i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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