I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
