Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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