i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize