I feel like abortions should bother me more
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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