HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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