Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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