I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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