after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
