how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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