I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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