i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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