"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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