Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My penis needs a shock collar
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
