He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
