dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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