I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
