Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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