I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
