I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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