What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
