She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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