get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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