I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
