when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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