Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize