If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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