i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
