His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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