so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
