Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I puked a lego.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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