I want to have your abortion
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You smell like stripper and shame
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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