That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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