If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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