yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
