Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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