and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize