he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs