I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
