loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
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She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.