I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...