Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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