youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
