My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize