I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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