Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we're so committed to being not committed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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