when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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