singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
