He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
