my mouth tastes like poor choices
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
