If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
