i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
